Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
