he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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