dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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