Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
