I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
