Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my liver is dry heaving
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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