Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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