we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize