We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
