Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
