and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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