It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
