All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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