There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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