i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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