some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize