There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
