I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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