either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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