Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
