Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
