Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
