We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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