someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
