I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
