Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
