wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
