i used baking grease as lip gloss
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
