one might say we're banned from that church
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
