I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
