You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
