I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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