Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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