i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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