OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
