i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
