he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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