My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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