i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
