are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
