Only a mothe r could love this liver
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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