3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
