you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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