I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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