mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
