end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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