Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
