If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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