Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
