How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
