I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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