Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
