He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
