I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
