You smell like a Billy Joel song
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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