i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize