omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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