No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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