Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
