Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
whose parrot is this?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
