im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
