We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
