bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize