I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
