we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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