we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My life is pants optional.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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