i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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