A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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