Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
