I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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